Sometimes your essay doesn’t work and you miss your deadline by a mile so you just stay up late and write the only thing you can

A piece about writing and parenthood that wanted to be a poem, but has to settle for being a list.

one of The Moments

The Facts

Here are the facts:

1. I spent all week working on a Substack piece I called “Treasure Every Moment.” It’s about how people with grown children seem desperate to imprint this advice on parents of young children, and how I find this advice confusing, stressful, and guilt-inducing.

2. As part of writing this piece, I repeatedly forwent spending time with my real-life kids. They would have liked me to play various imagination games with them, like Bluey’s Dad would do.

3. I forwent playing these games partly because I was stressed about getting the piece done, and partly because, as a grown man, I tend to enjoy writing more than running around the basement and pretending to be a fire truck or a character from Dog Man.

4. I was stressed about getting the essay done because I told myself when I started this Substack that I was going to publish every week.

5. My publishing schedule is based on the logic that consistency builds followings, and followings make you a Legitimate Writer, and being a Legitimate Writer is something I want to achieve.

6. I achieved a lot of things in my past life, first as a student, then as a lawyer. But those don’t really count anymore.

7. The reason that those don’t count is I’m not exactly sure why. (I guess accomplishments expire?)

8. I am almost three weeks late on my current Substack essay.

9. I’m behind largely because, in addition to my two Regular Children, I have a Whole Nother Brand New Child. She needs to be held a lot, including during times when my Regular Children would normally have given me time to write.

10. It is hard to hold my new baby and also type on my computer. (Believe me, I’ve tried.)

11. I spent all the free time that I had this week working on the Treasure Every Moment essay, sometimes with the baby in my arms.

12. Today I decided to abandon it. (The essay, not the baby.)

13. I am abandoning the essay because, unfortunately, it’s not very good. I try to have high standards for my writing; I wait to publish until my piece “sings.” But no matter what I did, the piece just wouldn’t sing.

14. Part of why it wouldn’t sing is that I wasn’t sure I believed what I was saying in it anymore. I wanted to argue with the advice to “Treasure Every Moment”—to complain about it. Instead, I’m coming away increasingly worried that it’s true.

15. For some reason, I often find myself wanting to write essays about parenting more than I want to actually be parenting.

16. I just heard a thump in my two-year-old son’s room. It’s almost midnight.

17. He was distressed because he peed his pants a little before making it to the potty. I got him back in bed after giving him a change of underwear. He got upset because the new underwear didn’t have Lightning McQueen on them. He wasn’t wrong—but it’s pitch dark in there, so I don’t know how he knew that.

18. Now he’s in fresh McQueens and back in bed.

19. It’s midnight now. I have no essay, and no idea what I’ll write about this week.

20. My four-year-old daughter’s door just opened. I assume she’s about to knock on my door, but it sounds like she’s also just headed for the bathroom.

21. Earlier tonight, Google Photos sent me a picture of her in one of those “remember when?” slideshows. She was probably just under two.

22. I miss that little girl.

23. I almost had the thought “where did the time go?” but that thought is off-limits.

24. I’m afraid I didn’t treasure her enough, even though I don’t know what that actually means. And even if I treasured her “all the way,” it wouldn’t have kept her like that.

25. I wish I could write an essay about this—an essay that would make me feel better. But it’s hard to write an essay about something you still haven’t figured out.

26. Earlier tonight, Google News suggested an article for me called “Nostalgia for the Early Days of Parenting: ‘Cherish It While You Can’ Is Hard Advice to Follow for Many New Parents.”

27. This article was in The Atlantic.

28. In the single paragraph I could read, it cites a woman whose name I recognized. I recently connected with her on Substack—we had a back-and-forth on the platform just today,¹ in fact.

29. She writes about family and parenthood. She has a following. She frequently writes for The Atlantic. She is a Legitimate Writer. I’m sure whatever she has written about this is excellent. (I can’t say for sure because it’s paywalled. Not only did I not write this piece, I can’t even read it.)

30. I had planned to publish my take on this idea today.² Instead, I abandoned it—and The Atlantic published a very Legitimate version the same day.

31. My kids are going to wake me up in just a few hours.

Conclusions

After considering the facts, here are my conclusions:

1. It’s hard to write about parenting. I often feel like I’m not doing either one particularly well.

2. I should go to bed.

1. Technically yesterday, because it’s after midnight. But you know what I mean.

2. Yes—again, technically yesterday. Don’t be so pedantic!